I received a birthday card today from a relative, I expect it was late because of the postal dispute.
I haven't had anything to do with this person or his immediate family since Boxing Day when we visited them. A few days later I received a vicious letter telling me which aspects of my behaviour he found unacceptable. I replied to this upstart with a long letter spelling out a few home truths. For example, he had done in my home what he accused me [correctly] of doing in his; falling asleep. There is more to it than that; suffice to say it is a family rift which I am not minded to repair.
So I wonder what this birthday card is all about. There is no note of apology, no suggestion that we meet for a pint and bury the hatchet, no 'I wrote that letter before I knew all the facts and before I'd fully reflected upon my own shortcomings'. No, just a card signed from him, his wife (who clearly hates me) and his children.
My guess is that they are trying to put themselves 'in the right' by appearing to seem civil and friendly - doing the right thing and all that. Further, I expect that if I don't acknowledge the card via another member of the family they will take the line 'Oh well we tried but he didn't respond the olive branch'.
I am reminded of a Fawlty Towers sketch. "You started it". "No, YOU started it, you invaded Poland" or words to that effect.
I haven't had anything to do with this person or his immediate family since Boxing Day when we visited them. A few days later I received a vicious letter telling me which aspects of my behaviour he found unacceptable. I replied to this upstart with a long letter spelling out a few home truths. For example, he had done in my home what he accused me [correctly] of doing in his; falling asleep. There is more to it than that; suffice to say it is a family rift which I am not minded to repair.
So I wonder what this birthday card is all about. There is no note of apology, no suggestion that we meet for a pint and bury the hatchet, no 'I wrote that letter before I knew all the facts and before I'd fully reflected upon my own shortcomings'. No, just a card signed from him, his wife (who clearly hates me) and his children.
My guess is that they are trying to put themselves 'in the right' by appearing to seem civil and friendly - doing the right thing and all that. Further, I expect that if I don't acknowledge the card via another member of the family they will take the line 'Oh well we tried but he didn't respond the olive branch'.
I am reminded of a Fawlty Towers sketch. "You started it". "No, YOU started it, you invaded Poland" or words to that effect.
5 comments:
Tricky. I think all you can do is acknowledge it and maybe send them a plain Christmas card. I don't think you'll ever be living in each other's pockets...!
A similar thing happened to me - my husband, who left me for another woman, sent me a birthday card with Forget-me-nots on it! I don't think he gave it a moment's thought, but I found it ironic and rather hurtful that he should be so thoughtless. If I were you I should ignore the card, as it's not usual to say thank you unless there's a gift accompanying it, and make sure your name appears on any cards to him and his family from yours. You don't have to mean any good wishes, but at least then you can't be accused of being childish or sustaining a vendetta.
Musicmiss: Some people who accuse others of being insensitive don't actually realise that THEY are the ones being insensitive.
Families eh?
Sag: You can choose your friends, but not your family.
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