Oh - Puleeeeeze!

Oh please!

Somebody has got hold of the fact that it actually costs money to hire an organist for a wedding.

I have read the article and it is not fair for an organist to charge £300 (although I do not know what the going rate is in a cathedral). However the tone of the article really p*sses me off especially when the RSCM say they support the reduction in fees.

First of all, videos have been used at weddings for years certainly since the mid 80s when I was heavily involved in playing for them. What is more, organists do not charge fees directly, they are set by the church and passed onto the organist (I have been an organist at many churches who set the fees). When I was a teenager in the 70s I used to get £2.50 for a wedding. Gradually it rose to £25 by the 80s and then to £50 by 1989. This was when I first heard of the practice of doubling the fee for a video. You see it all falls under the heading of mechanical copyright, PRS, PPL and that sort of thing which I agree is an area which seriously needs sorting out in the church. [Would you believe that composers are supposed to get special permission to set biblical or prayer book words to music? I doubt that this is generally known but I digress.]

As for blaming organists for the fact couples are shying from church weddings; that's just silly. They think nothing of paying for horse-drawn carts, limousines and all the frills of a wedding but they do not consider the organist.

Here are the facts.

A wedding usually lasts about 30 minutes possibly 40 and sometimes 45 (I have been marooned in a wedding for 90 minutes was was not best pleased.) Brides can be up to 20 minutes late too!

If a wedding is at 1.30, as many are, and I live 10 miles away then in order to provide music before the service I need to arrive at 1.00 at the latest in order to unlock, find pages, change my shoes, collect an order of service (another expense and these are usually full of misprints). Were I to be the choirmaster there is more to do and an earlier arrival time is required. I would not expect to leave the church until 2.30 at the earliest.

Setting aside the fact that my lunch time is ruined, as I need to grab an early lunch (at say 12.20) and change if I am to be on view (as some consoles are) I have to set aside in excess of two hours.

My time as a private singing/piano teacher is £24/hour which is actually dirt cheap these days although I am about to increase it. So we have £48 already. Add on 26p/mile for the car = £5.20 not to mention the journey I may have had to make and time I may have had to spend practising special music (although I grant you that 95% use Wagner's Bridal March and Mendelssohn's Wedding March, or Widor's Toccata - there isn't a lot of originality).

In some cases (although it has not been my experience, other than a quick chat after a morning service) the organist may to consult with the bride and groom.

So, you see, I feel a fee of £50 is justified and I have to pay tax on it. My day has been ruined (or at least broken up) I cannot go out for the day (weddings are usually on a Saturday) unless I get a deputy who will expect the same fee. At my last church there was a flat fee of £100 for a wedding and this was charged whether or not there was a video.

As for paying a musician who is not going to be present, the point is this. When a church advertises for an organist to take on a post (e.g. in the Church Times) they mention the remuneration for the job and the usual number of weddings/funerals an organist can expect; this can often 'justify' to the church a low overall remuneration. Thus, if the bride's own musician turns up then the resident organist has lost a fee.

As for the final paragraph:
The Church is changing the way it attracts couples in the lucrative wedding market as it tries to compete with civil ceremonies held in venues such as stately homes.
What is that all about? Is the church now a business?

This is all madness.

My father used to tell the anecdotal story of a TV repair man who charged £40.03 to fix an TV by simply adjusting a trimming screw. When challenged his reply was "It's 3p to turn the screw and £40 for knowing which screw to turn".

Films

I've been to the cinema twice in the last 10 days. I first saw The Sorcerer's Apprentice; this was OK but I got a little bored towards the end. I wouldn't see it again.

This evening a friend and I went to see 'Knight and Day' which was brilliant. It has the action of the Bourne movies (though without the ingenuity) and better humour than the old style Bond films - I laughed out loud several times.

Cameron Diaz looks great in a bikini but I thought she had aged somewhat, facially - then which of us hasn't? Without giving anything away, I warmed to her character as the film drew to a close although I could see why some reviews on the Odeon site have said she screams through the film like a daft bimbo. Tom Cruise was excellent. This is a must see, so do go. I'd gladly see it again, the critics are wrong.

Order out of Chaos

After much work the garage at Tenon mansions has been sorted out.

All the tools are either in a rack or on shelves and the floor is clear, all unwanted items having been sold on Ebay or given away on Freegle. All this is not so much so that we can get the car in (although we do in the winter) but so that I can do carpentry in a clear, well-ordered space.

Talking of order out of chaos, I spent a good 3 hours getting my daughter's laptop to work faster than a snail today. After a virus scan (zero) and a Defrag the offending software was Nitro PDF Pro which is not to say I am maligning the product. Her free trial had expired and I guess it was waiting in the wings to be upgraded.

Another great piece of free software I used was Easycleaner. It found temporary files my favourite Temp File Cleaner did not.

Caught Out

Over at 'As I was saying...' Barry tells the tales of running out of money, thinking he had enough.

My story cannot compete but runs like this.

When "You only live Twice" was released it was possible to send off for 3 (yes 3) slides of stills from the film; this was a chewing gum promotion I think, which is odd as I have never liked gum, bubble or otherwise, so I could be wrong. Anyway, it was some kind of confectionery. The slides cost a shilling (1/- for the oldies here). I had about my person 2 shillings and calculated that I could buy sweets from the sweet shop to the value of a shilling and still afford my postal order (I already had a stamped envelope to send it in).

I asked for a shilling Postal Order at the PO which the man duly stamped and, as he pushed it towards me, he asked for, "One shilling and threepence". I pretended to search about my person for extra cash, knowing I had none. "Haven't got it? You'll have to come back".

I had been unaware of poundage but I found out the hard way. I've never forgotten this. Odd isn't it?

Retirement

No, not me. The time has come to retire Harry the Hedgehog - he has done stalwart service.

Harry was given to me by a pupil in about 1985; she was a pleasant girl, possibly in my form group at the time, but sadly I do not remember her name - she was one of the quiet ones and it is often the troublesome gits one recalls.

To look at Harry isn't much, especially these days. I've doodled on his face; he has lost an eye. He hasn't fulfilled his potential because his head comes off and is a pencil sharpener [which I have not used], his tail (they do have tails apparently) is a rubber [ditto]. In the side of his base there is a tiny drawer with tiny post-it notes.

As a pen and pencil holder he knows no equal. The spines have exactly the right amount of 'give' to allow writing equipment to be inserted or removed with perfect ease and he holds quite a few.

If I could have one wish I'm not sure what it would be, but a very strong contender would be to meet the girl (now a grown woman) and tell her what an excellent gift this was. A small token at the time, but a life-long companion.

Harry - we hail you.

Oak

When we had new kitchen units fitted I kept many of the doors as I could allow solid oak to be discarded so easily. I've used the plywood central panels for various things but, yesterday, I made a drawer for my desk using wood from the frames.

I sorted out my room 2 years ago and made a stand for the monitor as seen here. This was too tall and soon became the printer stand instead. I made another small stand for the monitor and I parked various items under it.

This week I thought, "I know, I'll make myself a little drawer to go there", which I duly did. Working in oak is something I have not done since I was at school, pine being the wood of choice for the sorts of things I have made recently.

Cutting and drilling the oak creates a particular odour which I had forgotten; the drills really do get hot and the sawdust yields a distinctive scent. I had not realised this and my father's funeral passed through my mind.

As the family followed the coffin into the cathedral there was a distinct, almost pungent smell which I erroneously took to be the whiff of the decaying corpse of my father leaking from the box. I tried not to breath or smell too much. It didn't smell as I thought a corpse might yet, as it was unfamiliar and one does not often bury a parent, I put 2 and 2 together and made 5.

Clearly I was smelling the worked oak from which the coffin was made. Dad had saved oak coffin boards for himself as his father and grandfather were both wheelwrights and undertakers (trades closely linked). However, the undertakers who dealt with dad's funeral said the wood was too dry to use. What they did was to carve a 'rose' cover for the lid from a sheet of wood dad had saved, so it had a raised effect. A reasonable compromise.

Specially for Barry here is a shot of current progress.

A different day

I've been doing DIY for the last fortnight (it seems).

• The bedroom is back in action (awaiting new wardrobes)
• my study is nearly clear and I can see my desk again.
• The garage is nearly clear and much stuff has been taken to the tip
• The loft has been partially emptied.
• The shed has been sorted out.

After these days of toil today was refreshing in a way whilst also annoying.

I was going out to play croquet at 11.00am. I have offered many unwanted items on Freegle and spent much of Thursday emailing folk who had contacted me, giving them my phone number to arrange collection. Only 3 of 20 people bothered to phone me. I emailed again and a 4th person rang. I told her I was going out at 11.00 but she kept me waiting until 11.03 having rung at 10.50 to say she would be round in 3 minutes. Cutting it fine, even then.

I went out to croquet and played 3 games (time limit of 1 hours each)

I got back and took off the bedroom door to plane a bit off as it was catching the new carpet and annoying me.

I had a phone call at 6.00 from a friend whose computer I have fixed in the past. Her printer would not work and she needed a document for tomorrow. I decided it was easier to drive over (20 miles) as she would not be able to follow phone instructions although we did try.

It took 2 hours to sort the problem. Part of this was because she need to finish the document and we couldn't get it to save on a memory stick, so had to email it to my yahoo address. Her new laptop has Word 2007 (which she, rightly, hates) so she had to save it as an earlier version and email it back.

The problem turned out to be her USB hub which worked for some things (in my laptop too) but not others. I plugged the printer into the back of her PC and got it to work having had to uninstall software manually.

Finally, on Facebook, a person I knew 32 years ago got in touch. Having married, her name has changed so no amount of searching on my part had located her. I need closure on one event from our past so I hope I can now get it (nothing too dreadful, but I'd have liked to have kept in touch over the years so we have to catch up).

Facial Hair: Day 5

Nothing to write home about, but some progress. (Images are taken with my webcam)

Facial Hair: Day 2

Yes I realise there wasn't a day 1 but that's just because I didn't shave between my nose and lips yesterday. Since then I have decided to nurture the stubble which now inhabits this facial area, though for how long I cannot say.

I could do a post about the Post Office and their silly website but I am far too annoyed about it at the moment.